Or rather, the perils of not setting goals….
I had a hard time planning when I was younger. I was afraid to make goals because I was too afraid of failure, not meeting expectation, letting others (and myself) down. It was fine, it was safe, but it was not in the slightest bit satisfying. I found myself largely lost, listless and roaming through life, and the world without much sense of purpose.
The thing about this is when we don’t know what we want, or who we are, we tend to rely a lot on others to tell us what and who we are. This may ultimately lead to rough times. I ended up in relationships that were not good aka more toxic than one could imagine. I ended up in locations that weren’t exactly conducive to healing or spiritual growth.(Maybe this is why there is a global push for totalitarian and authoritative dictatorial leadership?)
I ended up being manipulated and gaslit to absolute oblivion. For anyone who is familiar with gaslighting, it is one hell of a thing. It is not something I think anyone chooses to fall into, and 99% of the time we don’t even realize it is happening until it is too late. I carried bags of shame around for years for “allowing” myself to be taken in by such humans-and every day I spend time trying to piece myself together again. It has been years, and still the psychological impacts of such an experience run excessively deep.
My self confidence was gone, my self awareness was nil. I was caught in a reality that was constantly and consistently telling me I was mistaken, forgetful and dumb. Anytime I had a concern it was either redirected, mirrored back to me or turned accusatory. I was ignored, shunned, insulted and harassed to the point of straight intimidation and bullying in order to “more closer align” with the thoughts of another. I was told to be weary of everyone else because “they” didn’t know “us”, no one would understand, and I would look so ridiculous for even talking about it.
I am healing now, I am repairing the wounds that do not show on a police report the way physical violence does. It is a slow process, and one I know will ultimately benefit me in the long run.
I am beginning to make goals again, to listen to what I love to do, to reclaim my identity in ways I had spent the majority of my life rejecting. I am beginning to trust myself and my own mind again. I am beginning to recognize I do not need to rely on others for gratitude, admiration, acceptance.
I am a traveller, I am a diplomat, I am a linguist, I am a connector, I am a dancer and a lover. My future will be nothing but travel, adventure, meeting new friends, having new experiences, expanding the minds and hearts of those around me, and never again listening to those who covertly chisel away at my identity in order for them to feel more whole.
When we see others blindly being led by malignant leaders, we must realize that they too are searching for a sense of self, purpose, belonging and love. It does not help to double down and reflect the anger and animosity they project, it will only fuel their stance that they have no place in this world, and no choice but to be part of a group-even if that group just wants to watch the world become the chaos they feel inside themselves.
Yes-boundaries are necessary to protect ourselves from those who would do us most harm. They don’t need to be managed with an iron fist. A simple “no” will suffice-and an encouraging word would go even further to propel someone in the right direction.
I am fortunate in that my misfortune has always propelled me to better things, crazy experiences, incredible adventures. Not saying I haven’t spent days, weeks, months and years weeping-because I have done that as well.. I am moving forward, is all (which sometimes involves steps backwards, or sideways).
New destinations, new experiences, new people, new hope. Come with me, we shall have an amazing time together. This is certain.
Set goals, dream big. We shall have a much better future together because of the struggles we have endured. And our destinations will be far better than any we could have imagined.
Read about some of my detours here The One Life Movement book
If you have suffered abuse of any form, please know you did not deserve it, and there is help out there. I’ve got a fabulous reading list-am happy to share.
Find me on Instagram @kimberhosen and tell me your story
Be well xo
Photo courtesy of @luxuvore and the absolutely stunning view.