What I have learned about other people’s mental illness has helped me learn about my own emotional being. I am, after all an incredibly emotional being. I have also met, had intimate relationshipswith and worked with some very “emotional” beings. Because of the stress this has caused me, I took it upon myself to get educated on the subject.  I have read so many text books and published articles on the subject of mental health. I have taken courses through online universities and sat in on seminars and conferences in a bid to understand cognitive function and dysfunction. I can talk all day about neurotransmitters and myelin sheath. But it wasn’t until it was suggested I read one book specifically on personality disorders did things start to make more sense for me in my life and my dealings with those around me.

Mental health in and of itself is unbelievably complex. We have sent people to the moon but we still don’t understand more than primitively the inner workings of our own brains. We have yet to fully understand our own capabilities and have very little idea how everything “works” inside that dense (pardon the pun) space behind our eyeballs. Every month new research shows something new and exciting in the world of human consciousness and our perceptions of things, and every month I get one step closer to understanding just a little more of the puzzle. I have had numerous dealings with those that have wanted nothing more than wreak havoc on my perception of myself and others around them to deflect from their own anguish. Those that seek control, power and dominance in others because they feel empty in themselves.

For a long time I adopted some of the traits that others reflected on to me because I didn’t realize this is what was happening. I lost perspective because I was living in someone else’s reality. It is so easy to lose yourself in something you feel so personally invested in because it is the easier alternative to realizing you’ve made a huge mistake and been so gullible to believe someone elses story. Emotional buy-in is something I thought completely necessary in most kinds of relationships. I thought I had to completely agree with everything in order to avoid confrontation or the possibility of being unloved. I know now this is not the case, and that others actions are completely outside of myself. I am responsible for me (and maybe my offspring and pets etc).

Psychological warfare is a concept that has been in my life since the beginning, but only recently have I been able to identify this. Mental illness is much more pervasive and powerful than anyone used to give it credit for. It is becoming the new dysfunctional war on a global scale. The thing about this is that these types of wars cannot be fought the “typical” way. When we try and “fight” someone who is a narcissist or otherwise living in their own reality we are only adding more fuel to their rage and giving them the power to continue. They are the mirror reflection of everything negative we harbour within ourselves; every doubt, every fear and every inadequacy. We cannot change the behaviour of those who are irrational. They are going to do whatever they want to do, and they will wholly believe that they are one hundred percent right in their reality. But just as reflections do, if we change our behaviour,  if we learn to pivot and understand this is a reflection then they will also change.

Those that feed off hate and anger and discontent will get hungry from the lack of fuel and be forced to adapt if there is no more “food” for them to feast on. When people stop paying attention to others “misbehaviour” and instead focus inwards on their own selves, they will force a change of global proportion. If others see that we are no longer interested in feeding on sensationalism and depravity of others they will also lose interest, because if no one is paying attention while they shout from the hilltops about scandal and misfortune they will stop shouting.

We have to get comfortable with ourselves, and focus on the good. We have to realize we have created the lives and the culture we find ourselves to be a part of, and be willing to “fight” to create new normals that are more healthy, more self sustaining and more self understanding. We do not have to believe the lies and the half truths we are being told, and we will recognize our part in the process because we will know ourselves and what others say will hold no bearing on our own perception. We are capable of changing ourselves and also those around us and it will and does change how others are.

We are what we create and we create what we are. Get mad, get angry, and then dig deeper to figure out why and learn to harness that to change the mirror looking back at you. We have the ability to make a better future for ourselves and our children, but it does begin with our own selves. Regardless of who is in charge, whomever has taken the role of the leader-we still have the ability to think for ourselves and make choices that are decent, whole, caring and kind. We do not need to hate on everyone else because we hurt, we can heal our own hurt and by doing so we can heal each other. We can let go of the past hurt that we have experienced and we can move forward, one step at a time. Because everything is possible.

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Published by Kimberhosen

Lover. Public figure. Author, mother, nurse, leader.

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